I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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