I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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