The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
