I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
