Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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