Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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