just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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