Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
