Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
