Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I AM VODKA MAN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
