just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
