You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
