I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
