if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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