rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
