remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
