Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
