turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
