Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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