Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
