Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
