I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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