Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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