Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
