I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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