No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize