So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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