So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
