every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
