What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
