I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
