I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize