i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
