discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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