Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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