They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to have your abortion
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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