Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
