Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dignity is for republicans.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
