i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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