Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
