I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
