its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
