Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
