Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
