Where is the hickey?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
