So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it glows. i had to have it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
