he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
