I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish you could order shots online.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
