The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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