lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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