I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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