Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
