dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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