How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
