And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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