I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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