im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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