it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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