If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
