And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
