I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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