I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
