Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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