I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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