If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
