Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
