you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
