Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize